A few weeks ago my editor here at 4 Marks asked me to "write about the role physical attraction plays in choosing a spouse." At first it seemed like a fun break from writing more serious articles. Then it hit me – my readers seem to be deeply religious people who would expect me to say […]

So, if a woman is looking for a man with money, is she a practical minded mother-to-be or a gold digging shrew?
First of all, I always hesitate to speak for "women." I can speak from my own experience, and from the experience of women I've known. I can speak from what I know about feminine […]

A young doctoral candidate defending her dissertation on how preschool children make friendships was asked whether attractiveness was a factor. She wanted to say, "Of course not!" But instead she had a flashback to the first question that she and so many of her friends would ask, when being set up with a blind date, […]

You have heard the old saying, "opposites attract." This is often quite true in the case of opposite temperaments. The fun-loving, people-oriented, outgoing sanguine may find himself irresistibly drawn to a deeply introspective, highly organized, and thoughtful melancholic. A dynamic, opinionated and driven choleric finds just what he is missing in the peaceful, agreeable, gentle […]

 
"A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature." – Ralph Waldo Emerson
"What is a friend? A single soul in two bodies."
–Aristotle, Nichomachean Ethics
  "No longer do I call you servants… but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father, I have made known […]

Which day of Holy Week do you think best describes your dating life? Is it Palm Sunday, Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Holy Saturday or Easter Sunday? Some people find that special person right away. For six months to two years, everyday is like Palm Sunday. Our hearts swell with great admiration for the other person. […]

There are some advantages to being single with no children of your own. In the evenings, one can wander around town for hours, imbibe in excellent food and drink (of course with moderation) and simply hang out and observe life.
We don't have anyone else to worry about, so there is an opportunity take a […]

Remember when I wrote that column about how the single life isn't really a vocation, in the "Capital V" sense that the Church talks about? And remember how some of you were all grateful, and others were all mad and stuff?
Well, I'm not opening that can of worms again.
This time, I want to […]

I have a fairly major addiction to books. I absolutely love buying books, reading books, borrowing books, talking about books, the whole nine yards. My obsession for the written word isn't completely my fault - both of my parents are bibliophiles who have a persistent problem finding enough wall space for more bookshelves in their […]

It has become increasingly more prevalent today that a lot of young adults are under the impression that, other than the religious and the marriage/family vocations, there is a third vocation, the "single" vocation. By that, they believe that, even if they are not called for a religious vocation and they can accept the marriage/family […]

Editor's Note: In the March issue of 4marks Magazine, Beverly and Harry Stevens published an article titled "Straight Talk." The article drew on their experience as a Catholic Match success story to remind members exactly why they came to CM and constructive suggestions for finding "the real thing." In this follow-up, they link the real […]

So I thought I was all done with annulments, but based on the emails I've been receiving from all of you, I apparently need to do one more to "clean up" a few remaining issues.
I've done a lot of writing in my life, and probably stirred up more than my fair share of controversy. […]

The following is an actual Mary Beth conversation:
Me: I can't date him. He's not Catholic and he's divorced. In the eyes of the Church he's still presumed to be married.
Other Person: Well that's okay. He can just get an annulment, can't he?

In my last article, I talked about the question of whether […]

What goes through our minds when we need to make a split-second decision–in the blink of an eye? How do police officers and emergency responders make life-and-death decisions in mere moments? What is that feeling we get in the pit of our stomach that something is wrong? Can you know within six minutes of meeting […]

The evening of May 8, 2007 was pretty exciting.
"So, have you been over to Wal today?" asked a friendly employee at my favorite sandwich shop.
I looked across the large parking lot in the direction of a familiar discount department store. The overhead sign just said WAL. A portion of the store's facade was […]

Her: "Why won't you tell me what you had for breakfast? What is the big deal?"
Him: "If it's not a big deal then why are you pressing the issue?" Thus went our last conversation. For three hours I tried to get him to tell me about what he had for breakfast, and he spent […]

I have listened to a number of talks by Catholic speaker Katrina Zeno and she has mentioned the importance of having good friends in your life. In December of 2004, I came to see that in a major way. I became very ill, and slipped into a coma for about nine days. I never realized […]

So apparently you all like talking about annulment.
No big surprise, really. Most single Catholics — at least those of us "of a certain age" — deal with the subject either directly or indirectly in our dating lives.
I have received more mail on this topic than I have any other subject since I started […]

Annulments are confusing.
In the past I tried to give you a general overview of what annulment isn't ("Catholic divorce") and what it is (a determination that a sacramental marriage never took place). Then I promised you answers to a whole bunch of questions.
Most of the questions I've received from all of you have centered […]

When people think of singles sites, they can usually think of only one purpose for them — online dating. As recently as five years ago, people who met and dated people from singles sites would not readily admit to knowing someone or ending up with someone they met from a website. Revealing they were a […]

Recently, my husband and I were reminiscing about our days on Catholic Match. We "met" in the War Room (a.k.a. St. Thomas More room) back in 2004.
Apart from political battles, we'd noticed the same old complaints and stereotypes seemed to come up time and time again in the Catholic Match Forums. Some of these […]

There are two sides to everything.
Quite a few men who read my article "What Women Want" graciously accepted the criticism I presented on behalf of single women. However, a few were more trenchant (one fellow was downright angry) and challenged my premise that women want heroes.
"I disagree that women want heroes," said one gentleman. "Women […]

If there is any topic more popular at Catholic Match than the essential differences between male and female, it is the definition and nature of Love. Is love a fancy or a feeling … oops! that's Hartley Coleridge, actually — but certainly the debate is energetic over whether love is a feeling or a decision.
I […]

Dear Jeff and Tammy,
The world we live in has made lasting relationships difficult. There is a lot of insecurity and young people have become afraid of commitment. So many things can go wrong. 50% of marriages end in divorce. You might ask: Do I really know the person I am thinking of committing my life […]

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m really enjoying this whole ongoing “men and women” discussion. Apparently you have too, since the feedback I’ve received has been overwhelmingly positive.
This month, I want to take on the myths and realties of the “independent woman.”
Specifically, I’m thinking of a talk I gave to a […]

Chastity is probably one of the most talked about topics among young people. There is an abundance of speakers, books, magazine articles, and much more, that address the topic. Many of the available resources do a very good job of convincing one why chastity is important. However, for so many people the question still remains: […]

Back in the late 70s Piña Coladas were rarely found on menus. Yet by the early 80s people were ordering them everywhere. Why? Because a particular personal ad became very popular. Twenty years later, the ad is still running. Every day, someone somewhere lands on the song:
If you like Piña Coladas
And getting caught in the […]

Modesty is a perennially hot topic in Catholic circles, especially in the summer time. I work for a Catholic young adult outreach, and every summer we receive numerous questions from young adults relating to modesty and fashion issues. Unfortunately, in our culture this issue spans all ages and circumstances. When the summer heat and the […]

When’s the last time you went on retreat?
As a single person you have greater opportunities to take some time for rest, prayer, and vocational discernment. Amid the hustle and bustle of life it’s particularly difficult to slow down and to take some reflective time for yourself and for God. Why not set aside some time […]

Can I tell you how excited I am about this?
As many of you know, I’ve spent the majority of my adult life talking to teenagers (and their parents) about love, relationships and chastity. I began that work because I thought it was important, and (back in those days) nobody else was doing it.
I […]

When I was first introduced to the book Arms of Love by Carmen Marcoux, I’m embarrassed to admit that my initial reaction was, “A Catholic novel about modern day courtship? What a cheesy idea! Who would read this?”
Carmen’s novel sat on my bookshelf for over a year before I picked it up on a rainy […]

Well, I just moved. Again.
I move quite a lot. In the past ten years, I’ve owned four houses. And that is a study in stability compared to the myriad of apartments (I count sixteen, right off the top of my head) I called home before I bought my first house.
There was always a good reason […]

When you’re the kind of guy who thinks shooting the breeze is beneath him, some social situations tend to be awkward, especially when you’re not amid a familiar crowd.
In most cases, however, those who shun what is known as “small talk” are usually intimidated or afraid of it — afraid of being rejected or […]

Previously I talked about how men and women are different. In later articles I want to talk about how we’re different, and how our essential natures as men and women are twisted and warped by a society that doesn’t “get” the importance of those differences. At first I was planning to start by discussing men, […]

A study published by the journal Demography has shown that cohabitation is not the road to happy marriage, or even to a happy relationship, but rather ends in separation 90% of the time.
The study’s lead researcher, Daniel Lichter, a professor of policy analysis at Cornell University, said, “The common view of cohabitation as a stepping […]

Here’s another travel idea, and this one could be the most enjoyable of all. It does, however, require some time and a wee bit of money. Depending on how it turns out, you might even be able to call it a vacation. Choose a city of some interest to you both that neither has before […]

Death Cab for Cutie, Dane Cook, and ranch hands in love are all “in” for 2006. Kirsten Dunst, Red Bull, and Xbox 360 are all “out” — at least, according to the “The List” in the Washington Post.
Do you have a list for 2006? Some of us are list makers, and some are not.
Sometimes, this […]

Last month I talked about women — about how God made us uniquely, wonderfully feminine, and about the various ways our culture distorts our feminine gifts.
This month I’m “crossing the aisle” to talk about men.
I hope it goes without saying that I am a big fan of masculinity in general, and of many, many men […]

Two days after I was married in January 1994, my bride and I left our hometown of Cincinnati for New England. I was in between semesters in my first year of graduate school. With all our belongings stuffed into a rented powder-blue Taurus Wagon, we drove 15 hours only to be greeted in Providence, Rhode […]

Okay, it’s time to start talking about all of this fascinating “men and women” stuff that I’ve been alluding to in recent columns.
My latest round of interest in the topic was sparked by a segment I heard on Dennis Prager’s radio show a few weeks ago. Prager was talking about a new trend occurring in […]

Light has made the world visible since the first day of Creation. “And God said, Let there be light: and there was light. And God saw that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.” According to Genesis, the rainbow, which is the light of the sun broken down into the colors […]

When the Oscar nominees were counted up, and it didn’t look promising. First, Brokeback Mountain, the film that normalized homosexual behavior through the American western genre, led the pack with four nominations. And Felicity Huffman was up for best actress for her transgender performance in TransAmerica.
Recall that last year the Academy gave Oscar awards to […]

I know — you haven’t seen me in a while. It’s a long story. But since we have plenty of space here, and the story ties in nicely with the point of this column, I’m going to tell it.
On the evening of June 3, I went to a local comedy club to see Darryl Hammond […]

In almost seven years of running an online service for singles, I have been asked almost every question imaginable when it comes to dating. Most of the time, I don’t feel qualified to answer them — running a website does not necessarily equate to having the wisdom to give advice on the complex realm of […]

It’s not uncommon for single Catholics to feel frustrated about meeting people who share the same values and ideals. Even if you are fortunate to have a solid circle of friends or at least people in your community who actively practice their faith, finding the right person to marry is a whole different story.
One of […]

If you’re anything like me, your life is a constant blur of activity. You’re on the run. Between work, and Church, and commitments to family and friends, it seems as if you have no time for a spiritual life. Or do you?
Generally, it’s not a question of time, but a question of priority. If you’re […]

Long before the hopelessly self-absorbed metrosexual role model was manufactured by Madison Avenue, other codes of conduct defined the male sex. In response to the increasing frequency of barbarism and feudal wars during the Middle Ages, for example, the Church instituted a code of Christian conduct for knights. This code was called chivalry.
Knights were the […]

Her courtship and marriage is one of the classic love stories of all time. She is honored as one of the most heroic women of the Bible, a forerunner of the Virgin Mary, the “Mother of Two Nations,” and the great-great-grandmother of the Messiah. When it comes to the single life, discerning God’s will, preparing […]

Well, the first National Catholic Singles Conference was a smashing success.
Nearly 400 people attended, from 30 states. As a single Catholic, there’s nothing quite like the experience of standing in a room with 400 other single Catholics — 400 other people who have experienced what you’ve experienced, 400 people who have also felt like the […]

Nearly two years ago, egged on by two friends, we started a weekly morning men’s book discussion group. The group, which originally started with five, has now grown to as many as 25, including many men whom I’ve never met before. It includes a potpourri of men ranging in age from their twenties to their […]